“You’re supposed to cry at a funeral.”
Yet, I feel nothing, not joy, not grief, just empty.
“He’s your relative/a family friend of your parents/x, y, or z.”
So? I don’t know them. I’ve never met them in my life.
“How heartless.”
Sure, ma’am, like I don’t see you keeping an eye on who’s getting what in the will and having dry eyes.
“Why are you here?”
Why am I here in the first place? My parents, etc.
*Incessant chatter, incessant chatter*
The food here is good, but this is awkward. I wish I were at home.
The Junction Journal 
Justina,
Your blog spoke to me because I feel like emotions at funerals are very controversial, especially about funerals of those you may not know. You did an amazing job of capturing real vulnerable reactions! After reading, it made me think about my personal experiences when I go to a funeral of someone I never got to meet. I’m never quite sure how to feel or really what to say at these events, I feel guilty if I seem upset since I’ve never met them but I also feel cold-hearted if I don’t feel anything because they were people who have gone away forever. Which makes me wonder if your sense of “empty” may be confused for uncertainty on how to feel? The line that stood out to me most was the opening line, “You’re supposed to cry at a funeral” . This is what I mean by funeral emotions are very controversial, many assume you’re supposed to feel gloomy however, everyone has different ways of expressing their emotions. As an example, you did not feel the same emotions as the deceased’s loved ones and that’s okay, your emotions are valid because everyones thought/emotion process is different. Lastly, I really enjoyed the way you structured your writing as if you were having a conversation in real time, it felt as if I was watching a quick show.
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Dear Justina,
Your blog, among many others, caught my attention and really spoke out to me because throughout my life I’ve attended a handful of awkward funerals of people I’ve never met and vaguely knew. The most notable one was of my great grandmother from my mom’s side. I was around 9 years old I believe, when I first heard of news of her death through my mother. At that time, I didn’t even know that my great grandmother was still even around. But low and behold, there was now a funeral I had to attend. I remember arriving at the funeral, which was filled to the brim with relatives, both known and unknown to me. This whole thing got really awkward when many uncles and aunties would ask me how I knew great grandma and what she thought of me. I felt really guilty about avoiding them not answering their questions. But looking back, what I felt more guilty about was the fact that I remember viewing this event as a huge drag with my younger self feeling bummed out at being at the funeral at all, when he could’ve been doing something else. I felt really empty that day, and if I’m being honest I felt ashamed of having feeling only empty. This blog’s idea of feeling “empty” stood out to me because I feel like that’s only way you can properly describe the almost meta-emotions you feel at a funeral when you never got to know the person who passed away. To outsiders it may seem “heartless,” but I don’t think I nor anyone would be able to help it because I feel like this situation has happened to almost everyone at some point in their lives.
The line, “Yet, I feel nothing, not joy, not grief, just empty.” stood out to me because its exactly how I felt at my great grandma’s funeral. I’m aware that many people have their own ways of grieving, but what I felt that day as a snot-nosed kid was not at all any form of grieving. As an adult who has grown a lot emotionally since that day, I kind of regret and loathe the way I felt that day, I should’ve been more respectful. The way you structured this blog as a conversation also spoke out to me because it reminded a lot of my relatives on that day questioning me about my nonexistent relationship with my great grandmother. I felt ashamed not being able to answer those questions, but then again to young me’s defense it was due to circumstance.
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When I read this post, I thought it really captures the reality of the emotions of someone at a funeral, it shows the emotions we thought we would feel during someone’s funeral. This post spoke to me because of how relatable it is, as many who have lost someone often do not know how they should react. And many portray that at a funeral you should be crying, but since everyone reacts and grieves differently, it leaves many questioning. The phrase that stood out to me most was, “You’re supposed to cry at a funeral.Yet, I feel nothing, not joy, not grief, just empty.” As it captures the true emotions many may feel during a funeral.
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This piece really spoke to me because it captures that feeling of being emotionally detached when everyone expects you to perform a certain kind of grief. It made me think about how often people confuse empathy with display as if like if you’re not crying, you must not care. The line that stood out to me the most was “Sure, ma’am, like I don’t see you keeping an eye on who’s getting what in the will and having dry eyes.” Its sharp sarcasm breaks through the fake sympathy people often show at funerals. I noticed also how your tone shifts between sarcasm and quiet observation, which makes it feel natural like a stream of thoughts. The short sentences and repetition (“Incessant chatter, incessant chatter”) really emphasize how overwhelming and hollow those moments can feel.
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Hey Justina,
Your post really captured perfectly for me what it was like attending my first funeral as a kid. It reminded me how clueless and awkward it was even being there. When one of my moms uncles died, me and my family went to the funeral and I saw my mom devastated. I felt bad, but i didn’t really know how react. The sentence that reminded me of this was when you said, “You’re supposed to cry at a funeral.” “Yet, I feel nothing, not joy, not grief, just empty.” This perfectly described what i was thinking in the moment with the idea of not feeling anything. Another part that really caught me was when you said, “The food here is good, but this is awkward. I wish I were at home.” Literally my exact thoughts and kept begging my mom if we can go home and she kept telling me no. Very ignorant of me but i was a kid and i even resulted to grabbing her phone and laughing while playing fifa mobile… so yeah. Overall, I think this post was great and it allows many of us to connect to the experience of going to a funeral of someone you really didn’t know.
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Hey Justina,
This post really speaks to me the way emotions are confusing to take in at funerals or when someone passes away. This reminds me of when my grandmother from my dad’s side passed away in 2020. I wasn’t that close with my grandma but I remember my mom telling me about grandma’s passing while she was crying her eyes out. I was just there, feeling empty and not knowing how to react. My dad was in the restroom while he didn’t know none of this had happened. I remember starting to worry for my dad and how he would react. Once my dad found out, it was the first time I’ve ever seen him cry in front of me. I felt even more guilty about the fact that I didn’t know what to feel or do during the moment. I just find it difficult to process death and the emotions as a result. More recently, Last Christmas I was able to visit Ecuador for the first time in a decade. My parents and I went to the cemetery where my grandma was buried. It felt surreal that someone who was once around isn’t with us anymore.
The line that caught my attention has to be this one, “ Yet, I feel nothing, not joy, not grief, just empty.” I was able to connect this to the news about my grandma. I didn’t know what to do or how to react, I was just there. The authors writing choice is short but meaningful. Using lines like “*Incessant chatter, Incessant chatter*” can show how empty moments can feel.
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Hi Justina,
Your post really hit me because it captured a feeling a lot of people don’t talk about and that’s the weird emptiness at funerals when you’re expected to feel something just because everyone else is.I liked how honest you were about the awkwardness, the forced conversations, and the fake emotions people expect. It made me realize that not feeling something doesn’t make someone heartless but instead it just means the connection wasn’t there with that person and that’s fine.
I can also relate this to myself as when I went to my neighbors funerals and felt that same awkward emptiness you described, like just standing there in respect, not feeling anything, but still expected to act a certain way. However when my grandpa died it was a whole different feeling as I was really close to him and the grief was real. Real Emotions comes from real connection not from what people expect from you.
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Hello Justina,
Your blog post in particular stood out to me the most, as I often find myself thinking about funeral etiquette more than I would like to admit. Reading your piece prompted a thought about how attending a funeral for someone you don’t know can feel oddly performative and may unintentionally compel you to conceal your real emotions behind a facade. This mask is simply used to fit in and to avoid being labeled as “heartless,” similar to how you describe in your line, “Sure, ma’am, like I don’t see you keeping an eye on who’s getting what in the will and having dry eyes.” That sentence stood out to me because of its sharp tone and honesty. I think the bluntness really exposes the hypocrisy in how people judge others at funerals. Your use of short, clipped sentences and the quote-response pattern portrays the awkwardness and internal frustration you are describing. The way you describe the forced expectations really highlights how out of place someone can feel in a setting that’s supposed to be about connection and remembrance. I appreciate the honesty in this piece and believe that it opens up an important conversation about allowing people to simply be human in those moments, without judgment or pressure to act a certain way. Your post also made me think about how unfair it is that people feel pressured to display grief in a certain way. I strongly believe that everyone grieves differently and to question someone’s emotional response, regardless of whether or not they were close to the deceased, overshadows the actual purpose of the funeral.
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this post really stuck out to me because I often find myself in awkward positions where people judge me but can never understand me. I recently lost my aunt last March, didn’t cry, didn’t make a sound didn’t do anything.Everyone was confused why I was hollering to sobbing.I just wanted to go back home and curl up in the ball and never come out no one understood that. I liked how she spoke about the fake emotions, the fake conversations. Only time you see families is weeding and funerals (mine at least).
The line that caught my attention was “Sure, ma’am, like I don’t see you keeping an eye on who’s getting what in the will and having dry eyes.”. I felt the side eye you maybe gave to the person who you looked at and I know they felt it too. This is how I looked at multiple people at my aunts funeral wondering what they were doing here, it didn’t make sense then I thought that’a family for you.
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Hello Justina! I just want to say your poem was wonderful. You managed to write so much meaning in a short poem. What stood out to me was how you captured how grief and different perspectives of people’s reactions can be shown by individuals within a funeral setting. For instance, you described your experience as “ I feel nothing, not joy, not grief, just empty.”, to show you lacked a more emotional response to the situation but you weren’t insensitive or lacking empathy. You captured feelings of how others interpreted your reaction through comments they made such as one person saying “how heartless” when mentioning you didn’t know the person who passed. While your response and reaction was justified, it shows how even if your intentions weren’t to seem you lacked feelings, someone still took it that way because of how they choose to interpret one’s actions, showing our intentions and feelings are always interpreted differently by others even if they are wrong. I notice how you use dialogue throughout this poem to also express the different reactions and responses as well from others to further demonstrate this idea. I also relate to this poem as well because I tend to be very monotone or flat with my reaction to things as well. Again, I enjoyed your poem and it was a pleasure to read and write about it.
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