it was never a choice i made,
in between dress up and slumber parties,
party games and school plays—
it wasn’t a secret i intended to keep,
writing our stories together in the basement,
creating worlds for just the two of us to live in,
you were always better at it than i was.
it was never what i wanted,
to pull away,
become a girl made of ice
frozen blood in my veins
producing only tears that shattered
when they hit the ground,
sharp, jagged.
i tried to tell you once.
cautious hope flying so far
above our heads
only to fall from the sky, shot dead,
i can still see you standing in front of me,
holding the gun,
and i never saw you again.
i cried when i got the invitation,
ten year old tears—
that’s how long it took me to thaw out.
friendship bracelets,
long bus rides
secret sharing
every song we sang
all turned to ash in my open hands
once they were no longer clenched into fists.
i didn’t go to the wedding.
there was no home in your new world for me.
but it was never a choice i made,
not a role i intended to play,
the victim, the hero, the fool—
it was never what i wanted,
that forced clarity under the light of the setting sun
and with all that was left unsaid in the end
neither of us ever really stopped playing pretend.
The Junction Journal 
This blog post spoke to me be because I liked the way it captured how growing up/getting older means losing people. I like how this poem shows that even the strongest friendships can go away and that is a natural part of living life. This poem made me think about friends that have came and went in my life, that the people that come in the strongest leave the hardest. My reaction to these ideas is that it is very relatable and how nostalgia can hurt just as much as comfort. My favorite line is, “I became a girl made of ice, frozen blood in my veins producing only tears that shattered when they hit the ground.” This line expresses how being heartbroken can numb you. I like this line also with the contraction of how her blood is “frozen.” The writer used a lot of vivid imagery and reflection. I also like that it feels very personal, as if you are reading someones diary.
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This piece really intrigued me because it captures the reality of reaching a mature point in life. The friendships you once had are now just vivid memories that pop up in your head once in a blue moon. To finally accept when someone or something makes their way out of your life, then it was never meant to be. A loss can become a lesson; it teaches you more about yourself. One line that grasped my attention, “there was no home in your new world for me.” This communicates on how there’s no emotional connection left between two individuals. This piece resonates with me, as I experienced a fallout with someone who had been my best friend since we were in elementary school. Going through something like that teaches you a lot about yourself. You learn what to value, what to tolerate, and learn how to build emotional strength. Not all people or experiences are meant to stay; some are meant to be lessons, not lifelong companions. I can agree with how the writer used vivid imagery; reading this piece made me reflect back on past experiences, but also made me appreciate for what remains.
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This blog post stuck out to me because it shows the feeling of dealing with lost relationships which is something everyone experiences but is often difficult to put into words. Although the narrator spent their childhood playing pretend with their friend, even though they have both moved on to adulthood conforming to a new way of life, even as adults they still have to pretend to be fully adjusted to this new reality separated from each other. It made me feel melancholic but also gave a sense of resignation. The lines that stuck out to me the most were when the narrator kept repeating that this was not what they wanted such as “it was never a choice i made.” It showed the narrators powerlessness and guilt of this person leaving their life. Even though it may not have been their fault, they feel a need to defend themself and these lines come off as a plea for understanding. The use of the lowercase letter “i” stuck out to me as an interesting choice. It shows less focus on “perfection” and made it seem like a confession of what the narrator has been keeping to themself.
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This blog post really stands out to me. This is such a deep and personal and honestly very relatable portrayal of the loss of losing someone really close to you. It touches on not only the pain the other person had caused to the author but also self reflects on how everything led up to this outcome. Neither people were perfect and the author recognizes that in this piece. A line that really spoke to me was the last line where they stated “And with all that was left unsaid in the end, neither of us ever really stopped playing pretend.” This line demonstrated to me that neither parties ever got closure in the end. They were never able to speak there full truth and as a result they ended up holding feelings and emotions back from each other that probably would have given each person a chance to move on.
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