Josie was the tallest fourteen-year-old girl in the world, of this Sadie was certain. Hunched over her sketchbook and charcoal, seated at the top of the school bleachers, Sadie glanced below at Josie’s lanky body sprinting across the soccer field. Sadie felt that intoxicating mixture of embarrassment and excitement ignite in her stomach radiating up into her torso, warming her chest and nearly closing her throat. This feeling, the movement of Josie’s body, the clarity in the light at this time of day, kept her coming back each Tuesday and Thursday after school to watch the only freshman on the varsity soccer team run and jump and kick and play. It was Josie’s essence Sadie sought to capture though she couldn’t be certain what exactly that meant yet.
Aware she was being watched, Josie swiped sweat from her brow bone. Braiding herself through the bodies of her teammates she dribbled the ball, destined for yet another goal. When it hit the netting, she fell to her knees with her arms extended to the heavens in a seeming gesture of victory; though it was really a gesture of arrogance. After five weeks, she felt the need to show off for the anonymous girl that lingered during every practice with a golden-retriever smile on her face, in the top far corner of the bleachers, always drawing something—or someone.
Josie couldn’t be certain she was the girl’s model, but yesterday, she’d bothered to turn around in biology class. And there she was. This mystery girl. Seated right behind her drawing the back of Josie’s head, long braids, wrinkled t-shirt, and all. The girl, so happily engrossed in her drawing, hadn’t even noticed Josie’s curious eyes until the boy sitting next to her quipped something at the girl—who still remained nameless—about having a “lady boner for her lady crush.” Today the girl was absent. Staring cross-eyed at a lecture about mitosis and meiosis, Josie had almost missed her not-so-secret admirer.
But here Sadie was again—drawing, willing Josie’s body closer.
By the time practice was over, the sun was low in the sky, shining right on the metal bleachers. Sadie’s mostly bare thighs were as hot as her torso, still overcome by that warmth only Josie could evoke. When she stood up to shove her supplies into her backpack, she began counting to 100. If Josie didn’t approach her by the end of the count, she would go home like always.
Josie watched the girl linger after practice. Though the girl seemed to lack a kind of confidence that, perhaps unearned, came naturally to Josie, she admired dedication whenever she saw it. This girl must’ve always been drawing, and the girl did so with such “focus” and “joy”—traits that, according to Josie’s father, Josie lacked. She would never be the Olympian he wanted if her heart wasn’t in it.
Struck by the girl’s smile and dreamy eyes, Josie ascended the stairs two at a time.
Sadie sat back down, hugged her backpack, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, the colors of the world seemed more vivid around Josie.
“What are you always drawing?” she asked. Her voice was deeper than Sadie remembered.
“Nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing. That notebook of yours is like a third arm or something. Where is it?”
“I like to draw, and I like to be high up.” Sadie shrugged. “So this is a nice spot.”
“I’m Josie, by the way. I’m sorry I didn’t properly introduce myself in class. I just wish I could draw like you.”
“Oh, it just takes practice. I was horrible when I started.”
“And when was that?”
“When I started? I don’t know. Like, when I had enough fine motor skills to pick up a pencil, basically.”
“Yeah, the only thing I’m good at is soccer because my dad’s been making me play since about that age.”
“That sounds intense.”
“You have no idea,” she sighed. “But anyway, what’s your name?”
Dwelling primarily in her fantasy world, it had never occurred to Sadie that Josie didn’t know her name, and so she blushed as she whispered it.
“Why are you embarrassed?”
Sadie felt faint. The breeze picked up and with it came the smells of Josie’s sunscreen and lavender-scented deodorant.
“Oh, only because I have a huge lady crush on you.” Sadie hoped her sarcasm was obvious enough.
Josie squinted her eyes then laughed. Before winking and running down the bleachers to avoid Sadie’s reply, she said, “if you did, you could always just ask me out on a lady date.”
The Junction Journal 
Your post really stood out to me because of the way your writing portrays those ideas that gives you that feeling when you want someone to notice you, but you don’t know how to go about it. I also took note of how clear and well structured the story was in general. Your word choices and usage of character dialogue were really well made, I wasn’t too confused by anything and understood the story smoothly. It wasn’t difficult to picture this whole thing going down in my head and the way you started it with introductions of characters, while gradually developing them, and then ultimately leading to the story’s conclusion really interested me. It reminded me of my own paper because we are writing in parts and your post really showed me what it can look like when all the parts are combined and flow smoothly. This quote about Sadie from the first paragraph really stood out to me, “It was Josie’s essence Sadie sought to capture though she couldn’t be certain what exactly that meant yet. “, because it really depicts the idea of being drawn to someone, not just for what they do but their presence in general and not knowing why. Almost as if trying to express something in words, but you know you can’t because the feeling is bigger than what you expected.
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Hi Muhammed,
Thank you so much for your comment on my short story!
I’m glad you had a cohesive reading experience. As a fiction writer, I always aim to captivate my readers, avoiding confusion or distractions.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on crushes and the desire to be seen by someone you don’t know. Obviously, as I wrote a story like this, I am also interested in this theme. I often joke that crushes (for me, at least, because it has been largely true) are just a projection of unmet emotional needs.
When these characters came to my mind, I wondered if Sadie was a stalker and if Josie is unable to perceive this because she is desperate for an admiration her father continually denies her that Sadie seems eager to provide or if they both are genuinely sensing an uncomplicated mutual attraction. To explore this, I wanted to dip in and out of both their heads and allow the reader to decide for themself by witnessing the girls’ unresolved, “silly game.”
Additionally, in this story, I hope to portray the way closeted queer girls internalize the male gaze. Both Sadie and Josie, overwhelmed by their feelings for each other, avoid the obvious and instead parrot their male classmate’s microagressive qualifier, “lady,” in front of the words “date’ and “crush,” delegitimizing lesbian relationships, and othering themselves by qualifying their experiences that in heterosexual contexts would simply be called a “date” and a “crush.” Even the young boy’s phrase “lady boner” implies cis-male dominance, as the young boy can’t even conceive of sexual feelings devoid of a penis.
Anyway, thanks again. Good luck with your paper! I’m curious what you’re writing about.
-Vail
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Like the previous comment above mine mentioned, this story uses simple wording and a fairly good pace. One thing I really find amazing that makes this story good is Josie’s curiosity towards Sadie’s mysterious behavior. In secret, Sadie would always draw everything Josie does in the classroom and at soccer practice. Not only that, but I also like Sadie’s strong respect for Josie. Just the fact that Sadie was willing to go to every practice session gives the audience a clue. Last but not least, the dialogue between the two girls at the end really sealed it all. When Josie stated, “I just wish I could draw like you…the only thing I’m good at is soccer because my dad’s been making me play since about that age” conveys that it’s okay to let people be who they want to be in life because a lot of parents nowadays will choose the career path for their kids even if it doesn’t bring them satisfaction.
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Hi Carl,
Thank you for your reply!
I’m glad you liked my word choice and the pacing of the story. I never want to write a piece that drags or finishes before it has even gotten started!
Josie’s curiosity toward Sadie is interesting. When these characters came to my mind, I wondered why Josie felt endeared to Sadie, rather than freaked out.
I agree that a lot of parents decide what their children should do for work without considering how their child feels. It’s sad and I understand the many reasons why a parent might behave this way, despite the harm it causes their child, especially if the parent is a trauma survivor and/or comes from a marginalized background.
I hope Josie escapes the shadow of her father’s expectations and her and Sadie can explore their feelings for one another.
Have a great rest of your weekend.
-Vail
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