You wait in the aching time of your room. There is a great, oaken bed, perhaps; perhaps an Ikea particle-board frame; perhaps only the ground is that second layer of armor around you after the mattress. You are face down in unforgiveness. It might take years to move, you think. The room is coffee-colored with spots, cold and warm and winnowed of constancy, beyond you, in those sheets, waiting for daybreak: to sleep, and linger.
You pray your flesh tender and you find it is only so under the knife. You hope yourself smooth and silken, a gossamer harp. A man bursts in broken fifths. You dream the air into your bones, porous and birdlike, and you feel them crack in a great wind. There is no flight, you say, no way out. You can’t stop saying it.
A sun rises. A great flock of geese pass over your mother’s home. A robin screeches at spring. Wingbeats heavy, a swan mourns its egg. Chickadees peruse the debris of winter. A crow calls for you outside your window. The loon sings its past into air. In the summer, a hummingbird zips by your ear, and you smile at her tenacity.
Amelia Ayers’s piece on birding is so pretty. I like that its written using “you” instead of “she/he” or “I”. I never saw that before but it really made me stop and think and feel like I was connecting with the person in the story. The way she describes things is so smooth and pretty like “you are face down in unforgiveness”. Its a sad thing to say but the way she says it makes it sound really poetic or like song lyrics.
I wondered why the person in the story is so sad. It feels like it isn’t really about birds but maybe about something else. I kind of wondered if maybe she lost a baby because there’s the line about a swan mourning it’s egg and the way that the narrator wants to lie in bed all day and doesn’t feel like there’s a way out made me think maybe she was grieving. I don’t know if that’s right but its what I thought of.
I thought this was very beautiful. I had to look up some of the words like “gossamer” and “winnowed” but they’re very cool and pretty words so I’m glad I know them now. Thank you to the author for sharing her work I liked it a lot even if I didn’t understand all of it
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