- ghost boy thinks that he can walk through walls;
thinks i won’t notice the toothpaste kisses he leaves behind on mirrors, like the inability to forget muscle memory isn’t a growing phenomenon. - ghost boy turns into a body without a skeleton, turns every room he walks into blue, an apparition the likes of which a priest won’t even touch; the lonely kind of haunting that begs to stay.
- a riddle: how do you prove to someone they exist when you aren’t close enough to touch them?
when you know their hands are cold, stuffed into their coat pockets like a lifeline they can’t quite reach?
how do you promise someone they’re real when all you have is your word and they need a working body to hear it? - the answer: remind them about the heart inside their chest and how you can hear it beating miles away; tell them the heartache they know so well is their own chest restarting,
that they don’t have to walk through walls if they don’t want to.
but always look at them;
never through.
(inspired by, and full of love for, the apparition by sleep token. killer song, killer band, killer lyrics that are the most special and severe brand of haunting.)
The Junction Journal 
Elias Desarden
This post absolutely tore my heart out. For the past few months since February, it felt like I had lost all my color, like I lost my flavor, like I forgot who I was and why I was here, like I forgot all my dreams and aspirations and my goals all fell apart. The way I interpreted the first verse, specifically the part about muscle memory was that you know you’re supposed to feel something but you just can’t. You’ve lost the glint in your eyes, you should be just like you were before but you just can’t. Even though you can’t, you still feel like you should feel and be the way you were before. It’s like you’re just inhabiting a body that doesn’t belong to you and you know you’re supposed to act a certain way but you don’t exactly know how to play the part. You feel like an imposter of yourself. This verse seems to be in the perspective of the person feeling said emotions. Almost like you’re talking to yourself from a point in time where you feel less invisible. It could also be from someone who is seeing that persons devolution into madness and is reflecting upon that sight.
The second verse directly reflects how it feels to be in that state. You exude some sort of aura that sucks the life out of whatever space you are inhabiting at that moment. In that same moment, people choose to disassociate and move away. Your aura almost acts as a barrier that repels people away. It’s ironic how when you need people the most, they’re nowhere to be found. That same experience happened to me multiple times. It was like, no matter how hard I tried to keep my emotions in check, it wouldn’t matter and I would let them out. Letting them out also kept cleaving the amount of support I had which made me worse and perpetuated the cycle. It was only when I attempted suicide and started overdosing on medication that I could return to a state similar to normalcy. This one seems to directly come from the perspective of the person feeling the pain.
The third verse reflected the times when people were indeed there for me but I was unable to see their points. They would say things would get better and it just seemed impossible to me. They would tell me I’m not alone but what does being sad with someone else really do? Are we gonna jump off the bridge together? Those negative thoughts caused by my iron shut closed mindset made seeing the bright side so much more of a daunting task. It felt just as impossible as somehow traveling back in time and preventing what happened from happening in the first place. The verse seems like it could be from the perspective of either someone who was in that situation attempting to show the person that their feelings are not permanent and their issues aren’t permanent either.
The last verse is a reminder that no matter how fake you feel and how dead you internalize yourself to be, your heart still beats and your flesh still gives off a wonderful warm tone because you are indeed still here. It also implores one to see the person afflicted by those feeling and really notice them. They need to feel seen more than one might realize.
The method of articulation for this blog post was honestly genius, if I could suggest anything, it would be to add guitar chords for the verses to fully complement the experience of reading it. Having it in this manner also makes the messaging easy to digest while also allowing for more critical thought to be had. Less obvious writing incites greater thought on the topic and I think that’s necessary in a time where critical thinking is discouraged and disinformation runs rampant.
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I appreciate this comment so much. I think the best part of writing is having people read it and connect with it, find lines and words that resonate with them and stick to them like glue long after they’ve read it. And sometimes you write something and someone else finds an entirely different meaning in your words, which might be my favorite part of it all. I had something incredibly specific in mind when I wrote this piece, and while it might not match up with your interpretation or your feelings about it, it’s cool as all hell that you can find your own meaning in someone else’s words. This was such an intricate and thoughtful comment, and I’m forever grateful that you took the time to read and hand back your thoughts to me. I’m also really mad about the guitar chords comment, but only because I wish I would have thought of it first. But again, thank you for reading.
Michele Sherman
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