You are 15.
You take a leap and decide to dye your hair blue.
But only the ends.
You’re afraid of losing a piece of yourself to something you’ve never done before.
You are 18.
You run away to the creek near your house.
But leave as soon as you hear sirens.
You’re afraid of being so selfish that someone else gets hurt.
You are 21.
You have your first drink with your parents.
But only one.
You’re afraid of going too far and becoming someone you don’t know.
You are 23.
The birthday candles blaze – the first cake in years that you actually accepted with relatively open arms.
There are streamers and balloons and cards, a birthday similar to ones you’ve had before, yet different in so many ways. And more than that, there are people.
Your mother who birthed you and carried you through the pain of this world, taught you there was beauty and strength and perseverance in being kind. Your father, whose big laugh and even bigger heart carries stories and lessons that nurtured you through the years. Your brother, his stoic nature and kind soul having been a companion to you through everything. And your grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends and loved ones, all there to celebrate you, no matter how hard things have been.
You are now almost 24.
You realize that one drink will not be the end of you. That you don’t have to run away anymore. That you have the ability to do what you want and be who you want.
That being afraid will hold you back, and you’ve spent far too long being held by something that does not deserve you.
The Junction Journal 
I think that this essay is a self-narrative about growing up and changing, the author clearly realizes the changes in his growing up process from being brave and fearless at the beginning to being timid at the end which reflects the effects of ”growing old”. What intrigued me the most was the changes he demonstrated each time he grew up. These time period changes perfectly show the adolescence of a teenager. From the very beginning of the beginning of self-expression but still conservative (dyeing his hair only the ends) to the avoidance and inner conflict at 18 (hearing a siren and leaving) then his complete loss of control at 21 although he steps into the adult world but still restrained (drinking only one glass of wine) to the final reconciliation of his self at 24. All of this shows the author’s progression from adolescent to an independent, mature individual, with each event showing the different choices he makes, and how each change in age causes him to become maladjusted and then finally accepting of his upbringing. The overall tone of the essay is one of fear symbolizing the narrator’s fear of growing up, he is afraid of what he will lose by growing up and curious about what he will gain by growing up. But what I’m trying to say is that the author doesn’t have to be afraid of growing up, it’s something that everyone has to go through, it’s okay to be afraid of the unknown, but you can’t be in fear all the time, accepting fear and moving beyond it is what growing up is all about!
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Hello Jinou! This is a very in depth analysis of my piece, and I’m glad you took the time to write this. Changing from a teenage girl into a young woman absolutely comes with a lot of choices to make, a lot of adjusting with time and the world around me. Thank you for the reassurance at the end – it is okay to be afraid of the unknown, as it’s part of life. Fear has the ability to hold one back, but being held back forever is not sustainable for the life that available to be lived. Thank you for reading my piece! – Brenna
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What spoke to me was the overall idea and format of the poem. The author spoke of the fear of losing yourself as you grow up and being held back. As I read, It made me feel relatable because there were times in my life when I held myself back because of fear. The sentence that stood out to me was, “That being afraid will hold you back, and you’ve spent far too long being held by something that does not deserve you” because I feel like others can relate to being scared and having it held you back from trying things. I noticed that a repetitive word was ” afraid”. The sentence structure that was used was stanzas and the time period changes from an adolescent (15) to an adult (24).
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Hello Erika! Thank you for reading my piece! The sentence you pointed out was the one I enjoyed writing the most. I felt it would really show the change from age 15 to almost 24 in a less obvious way. Everyone has moments of holding themselves back, and this can change with time and effort. And honestly, it’s okay to sometimes feel held by fear – it’s a valid emotion. What’s important is not staying there. I’m glad you found something that spoke to you in my piece. – Brenna
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This text overall made me feel relatable, I grew up always feeling the fear of missing out and this would always make me restrict myself and only think about the temporary consequences rather than the long-term memories. After reading through the increasing ages in this text, I personally loved how there was a whole paragraph dedicated to family near the end. It showed the role of each family member to the audience and how at a certain age when you are at peace you look back and realize the significance of your environment. One of my favorite lines was ” That you have the ability to do what you want and be who you want. That being afraid will hold you back”. I thought this was the perfect way to end this text, after reasoning why certain points at certain ages have so much adrenaline and consequence, you end up only looking back and wishing that you’ve done more. You might even live with the “what if’s” when you rethink all your choices and live in fear.
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Hello Nisa! Thank you for taking the time to read my post. The what-if’s can absolutely take over one’s life, and then all there will be is worry and fear and no action. While thinking about consequences is always important, so are long term memories. That’s what we hold onto when we’re old and gray and thinking about all we have done and accomplished. Thank you for pointing out the part about family – they are incredibly important to me, and I’m grateful you noticed it. I’m glad you were able to find something relatable within my piece. – Brenna
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This blog post really spoke to me because it explains how the fears that we have can heavily shape and determine the decisions that we make. It shows how important our fears can be when it comes to crucial moments in our lives and how it holds us back from experiencing a sense of growth. This allowed me to relate to my own life because I’ve also been hesitant to trying out new things as I got older in fear of what others may think of me or overthinking the situation too much, making it harder to just go for it. But now, I try to work on stepping out of my comfort zone more because at the end of the day, it’s best to let go of that self doubt and just embrace life to the fullest. A line that stood out to me was when the author said “You’re afraid of losing a piece of yourself to something you’ve never done before.” The author’s word choices, for example, “losing a piece of yourself”, implies how personal and internal these fears can be. It’s as if these fears feel almost threatening to a person’s sense of self, creating a worry that taking the risk might alter or take away a part of their identity. Another sentence that stood out to me states “That being afraid will hold you back, and you’ve spent far too long being held by something that does not deserve you.” I felt a sense of motivation and empowerment from this sentence because fear is only effective if you give it enough power over your life. Instead, we have to take control of our lives in order to start living in it more abundantly.
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Hello Meadow! I’m so happy to see your response and thankful that you read my piece. You pointed out this evolution from fear to motivation and empowerment, which is exactly what I was trying to show in this piece of writing. We are the only ones in complete and utter control of our lives, and we can either live it in fear, or take that fear and do something with it. I am also scared of what others will think and I overthink on most occasions, and it is hard. But it also rewarding to take steps forward, no matter how small. – Brenna
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1.) This blog post in the Junction Journal spoke to me because it talks about the fear of getting older and the fear of losing yourself as you get older. One thing the post has me thinking about is all the stuff I didn’t do because I was too scared and shy to do it. This post makes me feel emotional because of the author’s way of writing. Also, many people may relate to this feeling of guilt and selfishness that the author talks about in the post. But by the end of the story, we see that you (the reader) are finally at peace with yourself and the fear of getting older or who you are going to become is something you don’t have to worry about anymore.
2.) A sentence that stands out to me is “You’re afraid of losing a piece of yourself to something you’ve never done before.” I feel like whenever we do something new or something we haven’t done yet. We experience many emotions. Wondering if you will be the same afterward or if something about you will change. The author also uses a lot of repetition with the words you and afraid. Which makes the reader feel a part of the story.
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Hello Meliza! Thank you so much for reading my piece. It’s true that when something new is done, there’s a piece of you that can be lost. But I think there’s also pieces of you that could be found, or gained. Things always change in life – it’s up to us to find peace within that change.
– Brenna
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