It’s really late. Maybe 2 or 3 AM. Everyone has fallen asleep in my house, my phone has stopped buzzing a while ago. Cars are still passing outside but the gaps between engines are becoming larger and fainter. The only sign of life is my flashing computer screen light reflecting onto my face. The drum and bass playlist is playing ever so quietly. Soft rhythms and drum lines are wrapping around my psyche. My eyes are becoming drier by the second, I can feel blood vessels burst in them as I try not to look away from my screen.

I’m watching DBZ. It’s getting good. Goku just went Super Saiyan and it’s so sick.

For a brief moment, everything stops. The world pauses around me and I close my eyes.

I’ve lived this before. Somewhere else. It’s not that far away. I wanna go back, man, it was easier then.

I open them again, and I’m not in my room. It’s my old apartment in Sunset Park. I can see myself, much smaller, but it’s me. Doing the same thing. I’m sitting glued to the big Sony CRT, watching DBZ. Punches flash on the screen. There’s no sound though. Mom’s sleeping in the next room over. I sit down on the couch and watch myself. There’s no worry on my face, only eagerness to find out what happens next. The PS2 next to me is still turned on, I didn’t have a memory card. The kitchen window is cracked open a peg. The apartment would get crazy hot in the summer. The soft breeze enters the room and I can feel it tickle my face and neck, prompting me to close my eyes once again in bliss.

My eyes open one more time.

I’m back at my desk. The episode is still playing, but it’s almost over. My room seems more cramped than usual, closing in with every microsecond that passes. I’ve got work tomorrow and a paper due next week. I have to get my financial aid in order. I think it’s Tristan’s birthday next week? I promised him a nice gift. The dentist called me twice. Why am I dodging his calls? I’m not that scared of the dentist. I’m not a kid anymore.

I’m not a kid anymore.

I sigh, resigned. I shut everything down. The music stops. It’s just the wind whistling at me, as the cars are going by. My posters stare back at me. I stumble to my bed and shut my eyes. I can go back whenever I want, right? And It’s just the good parts.

Let’s see how long it lasts this time.