Jana Taoube

I sat there unmoving with a shattered mirror in front of my eyes confused. 

I didn’t remember drinking the bottle near my feet and I didn’t remember swallowing anything other than my spit. The girl in the mirror was shattered. Bruised. Her dark cat-like eyes seemed to look back at me in disappointment and fear. I didn’t remember hurting her. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn’t understand why she looked at me like that. 

She was beautiful. 

I sat there not understanding why my fingers came back from my hair sticky with caked blood. I didn’t remember wearing the black lace corset I was in. I didn’t understand why I could not rid myself of the tightening on my chest. It was an elastic band and it didn’t matter what I did. The gorilla kept it stuck and I saw the skin on her chest, the girl in the mirror, split and the muscle fibers starting tearing. She didn’t flinch. How come the pain is so hard and I can’t breathe? Why didn’t they think to ask me before they gave me that pill. My stomach bare and naked with scars and tears could not stop me from looking at the girl in front of me. 

What did she want from me? 

I sat there staring at her undress herself as a shadow behind her wrapped his fingers around her throat and kept tightening his hold. How come she didn’t fight him? How come she let him choke her? How come she didn’t cry a single cry? I watched her eyes bulge out of their sockets and a gun went off and the dark shadows of fingers disappeared from her neck. 
I sat there looking at her crying and I could not help but feel like she was crying for me. She was the one suffering from the shadow and she looked at me crying. Almost like I was already dead in her eyes. Why did she look at me like that?

Why doesn’t she stop? 

Her chest continued to rip and I knew that she wouldn’t have suffered if she had gotten up and cleaned herself up and stitched her wounds. I knew that she would die if she didn’t breathe and take a shower but what was stopping her? Didn’t she know what to do? Didn’t she know that her gashes were not hidden and I could see them? 

I forgot how to breathe & lay there unmoving with a shattered mirror in front of my eyes unable to see. The only thing left was the dull aching of my chest and the ash from the memories that I burned choking me and reminding me of the power I had over myself. I can only hope the beautiful girl in the mirror learns before it’s too late like me: she can cry and feel the ache and still aim high and be so very great.

Crashed and passed she was in my heart.

-jt

by Kejlynda on Deviant Art