to orient you i will give you the park
and manhattan 
and you will wear black
and he will wear blonde
and you will obey because you want to be taught
to leave things different than they were

this is how to network in new york
where women wind up as bodies

and it’s midnight on this rock where i am mired
and slathered and willing and thinking i could die
without having been ontologically extravagant 
and this is as good a time as any

but i am not entitled to think
that i will make my way back

if these words had worked 
i would be a woman 
halfway through central park having learned my lesson 
not a child on this beach in brooklyn 
needing more nouns
drawn and quartered
and trailing the psychosomatic soldiers
that frequent this sunrise 

but i cannot afford to guzzle this gasoline
so close to home 

and this is the danger of being a bad quitter
dressed in his decadence and the difference of a decade
though i am just passing through this lassitude 
and this park
and your eyes are wet when you wake up
it isn’t easy
which you know
because you are well-adapted and willing to die
and this is as good a spot as any

but when i soften into something salient
you will have faith 
and he will be pleased 

x bren