“A lot happens in six years!” I said while reflecting in his perspective. I know him so well that is almost like I know myself, or maybe a little more. Our 3 am conversation became kind of dull and I want to say something else but the words are just there floating in my mind refusing to make any cheerful sense. I cannot stop thinking that we are both stuck, and people say we are in our best years, but are we though? Our realities are so different. Our mindsets are light years apart. Still…  

“I am thinking about a lot of things. Time seems to go slow when I do less.” 

“Yes, but the same can be said when you do a lot. What are you thinking?” I am still self-absorbed in my thoughts and the reply seems to me to be more a reflex than an actual answer.  

“Sure Einstein, I don’t know. I’m just thinking about a whole lot of things that I know I shouldn’t think about in the first place. I’m kind of down that’s all.” 

“If you focus on what you lack instead of what you’ve got and who you are becoming then of course you will be down though. Life is not a race, go at your own pace. What matters is that you are doing you and that you are happy.” the “I’m down” part took me out of my reflection and the spiritual guru within me jumped in.  

“I know, thanks though. Have a good night.”  

“Have a good night.” I said while longing to say “don’t go, I know you are not okay! I’m here.”  

I am one of those people who doesn’t know what to do when someone, specially a dear one, is not feeling well. I truly want to help, but how? You are so far; I cannot hug you or throw you a pillow or something. What can you do when you are as stuck and down as your friend? It is 4 am now. The hour of the devil finally passed and I can go pee. I come back to my bed and just when I lay down The Smiths are on, and “Asleep” hits my hear drums like an explosion. A tear decided to say hello. Yes, I just want to sleep and wake up in a world where all is okay. My loved ones are happy and near, I am not sick anymore… I don’t have to wish for nothing because I’ve got what I want and I can simply enjoy the bliss of living in paradise while still being alive. But, Tender steps in and with “Melt” they remind me that life without pain has no meaning because is happiness a thing without its opposite? The music carries me away. Suddenly I text him “I love you and I know all is going to be okay. I am here.” And surprisingly he was awake and I got an “I love you too” text that also said “Yeah, I know I just don’t want to be numb.” I replayed, “I don’t want to be numb neither.” We must feel and be and live the best we can. Hiding our pain does not make it disappear.

Hello there, I hope you are doing well. Mental health is as important as physical health. If you don’t feel well please speak up. Seek help. If you notice a family member or a friend is not feeling well, please offer them all the support you’ve got and suggest that they get help. These are indescribable times and we are all struggling one way or another, you are not alone. We are here for you. Please take care and enjoy life as much as possible.