So I have been writing again. After much fight within myself, I found it important to pick back up the pen and to try to write things I have locked away. Some of these pieces I probably will not share in its entirety because of how graphic they have been, however, I may occasionally drop excerpts. This being one of them.

I wanted to send you a text…

But see, the way my phone company is set up…

Nah all jokes aside,

I wanted to send you a text 

But I want to respect the space you’re in

I find myself thinking of you 

When the world I created for myself in your absence 

Crumbles like cookies in childish teeth

Crazy how in the midst of chaos, the grass of the past always

Appears to be so green

I loved you in ways that has made everyone in my present become hollow 

Knowing that they arent you but try to recreate our moments 

Between bed springs and night lights
Busted nuts, 1-4-3 finger traced on backs
Them, telling me their dreams of us together in the twilight

When I already had lived them with you in our past life 

I wanted to send you a text
And tell you how haunted this house has become
Since the cremation
This urn that still burns
In the back of my chest 

Stray hairs from your headwrap tickiling my lips
From the back of your neck 

I wanted to send you a text
“Hey big head”
Followed by
“Come home” and
“Let’s continue where we left off because no matter where I look
I cannot find or recreate the magic we made together

Somehow it feels something deeper

Call it alchemy
The magic behind the science that cannot be explained
And we just give it up to God
Because only God knows what this is
Or what was
And as humans we get lazy when we cannot explain
The unexplainable so we just call it God

I wanted to send you a text
But I did not want to recreate the pain
I been causing the women I’ve been currently with 

Towards you
And it’s fucked up because none of this was ever intentional 

Found myself falling freely into a cycle of lust and lonliness…