A contemplation on creativity and why living beings feel the need to create.
I spend my nights dreaming of random things. Most of the time, they form a narrative. A narrative so deliciously intriguing and bizarre that any attempt to replicate it in real life leaves me frustrated with my lack of ability to create a still image of it on paper. Each night, I try to recall the events, the details, the characters. Each night, I will myself to dream of a continuation. And each night, it slips through my grasp, and, seemingly in apology, or maybe even pity, my mind conjures a new story to replace the one I had lost. My solution – closing my eyes and letting go.
Let me introduce you to artist Wenqing Yan, or as she is known on Deviant Art – Yuumei. A digital artist and a graphic novelist, Yuumei combines her love for all that is beautiful in the world and her love of drawing and creates, in my humble opinion, extraordinary works of art. Be it illuminated by light or shrouded in darkness, Yuumei explores the strangeness and the unknown with deliberate strokes, working to unravel the mystery behind the purpose of art and what art means to her.
One such example, is a web comic titled “1000 Words.” As Yuumei explains in her description:
“1000 Words was inspired by a comment on one of my other work Tape it Back Together. In the comment, this person told me when she first saw the drawing, she thought it was sad but couldn’t connect with the situation. Three months later, her parents divorced and when she saw the drawing again, she began to sob. It made me wonder, had she shown something like the torn up picture to her parents, would it have made a difference?“
Eyes closed, I let my mind wander. I feel myself soaring over random scenery, and through old memories. Like in a game of Russian roulette, I allow the barrel to spin until it stops on its own accord. Click. A film reel countdown appears projected onto the backs of my eyelids, signaling the start of something I both dread and look forward to. I wait with bated breath, as the curtain draws back. Will it be another nightmare? Will it be a sequel to a book I had recently read? Will it be… Delete. I open my eyes, and try to erase the image with as much force, as I can mentally muster. I should’ve known. It always comes back. Sometimes…sometimes I wish my will to forget would be enough.
Why do humans constantly feel the need to create, to imagine? Is it our constant need to explain and decipher the unknown? I guess for me, be it writing or editing, crocheting or sewing, cooking or baking, painting or photographing, playing a tune or dancing, it sort of is like that. Like a complex problem, I try to resolve my thoughts and the whirlwind of emotions that plague me through several mediums. And if I can make someone, maybe who is going through something similar, take a break and enjoy something I created – well, that’s just a bonus.
My father told me once that he had a hard time figuring me out, my creations, my passions contradicted themselves in his eyes – my photography showed a melancholy and sadness in the images it captured, while my crocheting and baking told a different tale. My choices in art, books, music, and movies further scrambled any conclusions he could’ve come to. I told him not to look for any hidden meaning – my mind was a mosaic that I constantly deconstructed and reassembled – and there was no telling what would catch its attention at any given moment. He hasn’t given up and my mind won’t either – the only thing I can compare it to is the anime Umineko no Naku Koro ni (When the Seagulls Cry), utterly confusing and creepy, but fun in the most absurd ways.
After wandering the apartment for a bit, I attempt again. laying down on the bed, I stare at the ceiling for bit, calming my breathing to a slow intake and outtake. However, instead of an unveiling landscape, a sentence appears before me. I struggle away from it, I knew that if I continued on I would be unable to sleep. Open, close. Nope, still there. Open, breathe in, breathe out, close. Dammit. It was too late. The thought unfolded itself, like on origami crane, and I was stuck. All I could do now was let it play out before my eyes, and hope that it would last only a few moments. Breathe in…
In a way, these past two semesters have been an exercise for me to figure out why I do the things I do, why I live, why I study, why I create. Talking to the other interns, both new and old, inspired me and granted glimpses into their own chaotic minds and The Boylan Blog, helped in a way that I never would have thought it would. I tried to keep a journal several times throughout my life, hoping it would help me express my thoughts and strengthen my writing skills in general. It never worked. I would get frustrated with my mind, shut the bindings of the notebook, and leave it on a random shelf, never intending to return to it ever again. I preferred speaking to writing. I could keep up with my thoughts that way, I wouldn’t be left behind with a blank page glaring at me, daring me to dirty its pristine surface. I wish we could just pull our thoughts and ideas from our minds and showcase them to others with ease, but unless we open a portal to a dimension where this kind of magic exists, we are left with two choices – to hone our ability for language and expression, or give up. I don’t know about you, but after this year – I decided I won’t admit defeat no matter what the voices in my head say.
And I can honestly say, that I would not have made this decision without the very valued input of my fellow interns, who with their amazing and talented work drove me to write at least half as well as they do.
Yuumei and her work 1000 Words, helped further pinpoint what the purpose behind my creations was, more importantly, it allowed me to glimpse the purpose behind my writing.
I write to introduce my readers to new thoughts and ideas that had occurred to me or that I had stumbled upon during my interactions with other people, landscapes, or events. I want to feel like there is a higher purpose, but in all honesty its just random thoughts inspired by whatever I did, read, or saw. I write to organize it and get it out of my head. I write because sometimes it turns out well. The same goes for whatever else I decide to tackle or continue to tackle in the future.
I find myself in the kitchen typing furiously. The tea I made, already cold to the touch. My computer heaving with the effort to keep up. I had to get the thought out of my head – and this was the only way I knew how without waking my family. Done. The electricity beneath my fingers still buzzing, I save the work. I knew it still needed to be severely edited, to be polished before I even tried to show it to my family. But it was out. I felt my tiredness resume its place on top of my shoulders like a cat. I close the laptop. I go back to bed, relishing in the silence of my mind. I lay down, and I dream.
- Why do we create?
- What purpose does it serve?
Two simple questions that can have a multitude of answers. But what are yours?
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P.S. I really want to thank my fellow interns for all that they have shown me, the socially anxious person sitting behind the water cooler trying not to bother anyone – I wish we had more time. The old, now graduating, will be sorely missed at the Brooklyn College English Major’s Counseling Office. The new, soon-to-be-evolved into senior interns, remain as sentries, guarding the office against the forces of evil and welcoming those who wish to learn. I look forward to the future works of all the interns, be they displayed on our own Rosetta stone, The Boylan Blog, or out there in the world inspiring other souls. I’m think the veteran interns will agree with me when I say that there is probably nothing we wouldn’t give or do to prolong this experience that we had learning, growing, and evolving under the kind, knowledgeable gaze of Professor Natov. And me? Well, you will most likely see me haunting the office from time to time, hoping to help and refusing to let go.
Emily, Eytan, Maryam, Nicole, Monica, Matt, Tim, Raisa, Sam, Justine, Sophie, Rose, Kate, Jared, David, Mike and Kalae – I wish you luck and THANK YOU!
For the last time signing off,
-L.L.L.
Check out other works by Yuumei, including another Webcomic titled “Knite” – “A story about dreamers. The everlasting hope that one day, the smog will clear, and the stars will shine once more above the polluted skies of China.” A truly bewitching tale, that I 100% recommend reading.
The Junction Journal 