Greetings

Happy Monday everyone! Or more accurately, congratulations for surviving last week and every other week that passes through the semester. I always find that no matter how hard I try once the semester begins I turn into a walking zombie of sleep deprivation and malnutrition (thank you vending machines). And it is always the same culprit, PROCRASTINATION. On my recent work avoidance binge I decided to rewatch one of my favorite shows, Absolutely Fabulous. So while our lives are falling apart let’s take a look at how to be Absolutely Fabulous.

First, you are going to need an accomplice. This will enable you to fully enter a state of denial. This must be someone who is just as insane as you are if not more so. Narcissism is your friend, in this case.

Second, you must follow every name and request with either a “darling” or, for good measure, you can add in “sweetie darling.” Although these words may sound kind, when used properly, they can have a diverse array of meanings.

Third, any and all bad news must be followed up with some kind of exaggerated gesture. This can be a dramatic fall or you can also start throwing random objects. Just make sure that, whatever it is, it creates some sort of mess. This shouldn’t be too hard considering that this behavior appears to already be innate in college students (please see college library meltdowns on YouTube for more information.)

Fourth, using your friendship and narcissism you must create an impenetrable wall to criticism. This is the most important rule of all: It isn’t what they say it is what you think.

By following these steps, you should be able to persevere through any criticisms you may face whether it be from your trolling mother or responsible daughter. It doesn’t matter because you are Absolutely Fabulous!

And then when summer finally comes, you and your accomplice can ride away free of the regrets and responsibilities wrapped up in the semester (in this case it is pushing Kate Moss off a boat).

Now for ANNOUNCMENTS:

• One Story is accepting applications for their summer internship (June-August). Interested applicants should send a cover letter and CV to jobs@one-story.com. Applications are due April 10.
• For those interested in publishing Brooklyn college is now offering an Advanced Certificate in Publishing. The deadline to apply for Fall 2019 is May 1st.
• Harper Collins  is accepting applications for their summer internship on a rolling basis.
• The Brooklyn Museum is currently accepting applications for a variety of internship opportunities. They are also accepting applications to be a counselor at their summer camp.

– Kate McGorry