“The Great Romance Heist!” or “What Happened to all the Bank Robbers?”

I know what you’re thinking.

“He’s not going to launch a discussion about bank robbers without doing any actual research, is he?”

Last semester I was planning on writing a short story about a train robbery. A group of plucky ne’er do wells would rob a futuristic recreation of the “20th Century Limited” (a famous train), but in space (aboard the “22nd Century Limited,” haha). It wasn’t meant to be; I just couldn’t figure out a way to keep the heist exciting.

While researching for this phantom short story, I became enamored with the concept of the Gentleman Thief.

No, that’s not right. I’ve always loved charismatic thieves. There’s just something charming about them, even when constrained to fiction. Where would I be without Carmen Sandiego? Without Arsene Lupin? Without Joker?

But are these characters just constrained to fiction?

Thankfully, no. We all remember Bonny and Clyde, Butch Cassidy, Baby Face Nelson, John Dillinger. But when was the last time you remembered a name being added to that prestigious list? When was the last time you heard about a string of robberies carried off without a hitch? A bank being robbed by a bunch of madmen in animal masks? A red-hooded anti-hero who, while fleeing from the bank, threw a fistful of dollars into the air?

If they’re not fictional, Bank Robbers are certainly going extinct. That’s my pet-theory, anyway. If the cowboys disappeared along with the frontier, then the bank robber is about to be hit (or has already been devastated) by the meteor that is advanced security technologies.

And I rail against this! I bite, I scratch, I claw, I cry! I can’t find a real Knight, or a real Ninja, or a real Cowboy any more. There will always be thieves, I think. Petty robberies. Break-ins. Cyber crime. How boring! Dull! Unromantic, unimpressive, and unacceptable!

Where is my Gentleman Thief? Where is my Heist?

It is my belief that nothing will ever be so secure that one handsome, dexterous, androgynous, mysterious thief can’t weasel their way through the obstacles and snatch away that precious object, leaving behind only a mysterious calling card.

In fiction, at least. I long for some real romance.

Just leave me with my books.

-M.C.