1_EufFAXj0kLomstftPwP4CgI think sometimes, listening is a forgotten skill. I’ve had a lot of meetings lately. The majority of these meetings focus on some form of disagreement.  It seems as if this disagreement stems into a pattern that replicates itself irrespective of the precise reason for disagreement, or the people disagreeing. It’s quite astounding really. No matter the topic every supposed conversation becomes an argument and the rough outline is along these lines.

  • Both parties establish the idea that this will be a decent, and amicable conversation
  • One party begins describing their grievances, or disagreements and brings up several examples of how they feel they are correct
  • The other party gets immediately defensive and responds with a similarly long and drawn out list of grievances or disagreements
  • The two parties continue repeating information from each others lists ad nauseam 
  • Time runs out, and everyone walks away with a measure of aggravation

127024-126515It may seem as if I am describing one situation but I am not. I am describing consecutive meetings with totally different people on totally different topics. They stem from college governance, to differences between student activists, all the way to my mom and brother arguing about whether he should get an extra slice of toast.

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In all of these cases it seems as if people tend to talk in circles, continuously trying to speak over each other but neglecting a key part of the conversation. People don’t listen! Often, the disagreements people have aren’t so radical, there are often ways to agree, to come to a common ground even. Nevertheless the need people feel to have the last word stops people from ever arriving at it.

I am absolutely without question guilty of this, but after last week, I can’t help but wonder how many nasty arguments I have had where I simply refused to listen. How often, what should have been a conversation devolved into an argument because I had my ears squarely shut and my mouth wide open, when I could have listened and tried to understand.

We should really listen to each other more. And for now, I know I will try too.

Eytan