Maryam Choudhary died yesterday at age twenty-one

distressed over her roommate continuously scraping cutlery against their teeth—

thanks a lot, Tara—

her heart gave out at the nineteenth scrape

Maryam Choudhary picked up a stray kitten

and although prescribed a ten-day antibiotic—

quite literally a hard pill to swallow—

died from encephalitis

caused by a cat scratch

She found it hard to believe amoxicillin

did not come in the form

of a bubblegum syrup

Best remembered for

reconnecting her mother’s phone to internet

second only to her episodes of sleep paralysis

that she often theatrically described

to individuals who clearly did not care to listen

An unconventional but effective laxative—

Maryam Choudhary is credited for causing a record number of people

to say “I was afraid of you when we first met,”

and also for her extensive writings

regarding the human fixation

on not coming across as boring to other people

In her final minutes, Maryam looked to her mother

conveying that she better go above and beyond in mourning her loss

just like she did after her relative died of that thing

and even after her fish died of that other thing

She was glad to meet her end

before that of MoviePass

She regretted never having gotten to touch an owl

And despite her efforts not to,

she really disliked Will Ferrell