Do you ever wake up and feel as if half of you is awake and the other half is somewhere else? It feels as if your mind is roaming in a distant valley and simultaneously trying to figure out whether to brush your teeth and then your hair, or brush your hair and then your teeth. It’s like you remember something with crystalline clarity, and yet have no idea what it is.
You notice that you left the window open last night, and a colder air then you had remembered from the summer found its way into your room. It smells like the first few days of school, like perfectly packed backpacks, and heartfelt goodbye’s with your mother who promises that you will make many new friends, and definitely won’t fall on your face like you did last year and earn the nickname Face Plant.
You gingerly rub the morning crusts from the corners of your eyes, and with them rub away the wisps of sleep still overtaking you. That ethereal balance between your dream and the cold breeze you woke up too is broken and you are now a grouchier 85% awake person. You happily acknowledge that you can be home until 3 PM and realize that today is definitely a hot chocolate and sweater day. A wrapped inside of a blanket day. An old movie reruns while hugging your little brother day.
It’s not a positive feeling, but it also isn’t negative. Maybe that’s what makes it so human. It feels like everything goes by slower. Everything except your thoughts, that are actively trying to place what it is you’re missing. It feels like you are incomplete in some way. Did you forget something? A dread instantly surrounds you. Was it school? Did you forget an assignment? Work? Family? What did you forget? You can’t remember what it is. Something is definitely slightly off. Not by much, but maybe if the world is normally blue it is now a tiny shade darker.
Sometimes, it’s because some part of you feels inadequate about something. Sometimes you just need a hug from a specific someone but you can’t get it.
Or maybe it’s just me.
-Eytan
The Junction Journal 