Lately I’ve been feeling very retrospective. I’ve been examining my life through a fragmentary lens of sorts and thinking about so many things: my mother, my family, my experiences, my past relationships, and most importantly, myself. That’s what this little culture corner will be about: myself.

What inspired me to be so retrospective this weekend was, in part, due to something my mother told me the other day:

“It was only yesterday I felt like you were a child; you’d come up to me, with all the spare time in the world, talking about the latest episode of Dragon Ball Z, Yu-Gi-Oh, and other shows that were airing, wherein which I wouldn’t have a clue what you were saying! But now, I look at you and see a grown man, one who can take care of all of us if he wanted to. I love that all of you are so attentive to me but never shirk on your studies. I know you hate coming here but continue to do so for me. I miss the days I could see you having fun with all your friends at the park, coming home later in the day to read a book. I just want to come home to watch you work. I miss all of you. These past few months, all of you look so changed. Even your little brother, he’s growing up so fast. I can’t help but wonder what these past 3 months must have been like for you all. I feel like every second I’m not with you all is an eternity gone by. ”

When she told me this, I was reading Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, and I wanted to emulate the form which he used to write.

  1. From my grandfather I learned to laugh in times of sorrow, to show stoicism and calm in times of grief.
  2. From my father’s temperance, a lack of temper, a sense of community, and a heartfelt character.
  3. From my mother, piety, compassion for all life, empathy, and how to stay true to myself and not be tempted by evil.
  4. From my sister, to treat myself well and the love in treating others well.
  5. From my brother, an appreciation of children and how I hate that I love them but love that I hate them.
  6. From Philip, to be a better me at times, and to bring out the best of who I can be; who is more than a friend but treats and respects me as the older brother who I’ve never had would.
  7. From Peter, the will to pursue English as my major and higher academia in general; who has believed in me from the start.
  8. From the interns, who have given me a community within which I could develop holistically, the will to power.
  9. From my professors, who continue to refine me, to serve as both mentor and friend.
  10. From Dostoevsky, whose works continue to be some of my favorite to this day, to appreciate his masterful portrayal of people and how they transcend stereotyping.

There are so many different people who have been important to me throughout my life. I would have to write a book to address each and everyone of them. However, these ten were some of the most prominent in my mind upon writing this. However, it’s dangerous to only define yourself by your relationship to people. These are values which I hold close to my heart:

  1. Whatever I am when I wake up, it is a little flesh and breath where the mind rules dominant. My mind commands that I be clean, and I obey. Order must be established within my domain, and so I put away all the miscellaneous junk laying around in my room.
  2. A healthy body is a healthy mind; the Greeks were onto something, for my daily exercises at the gym seem to refresh me. Laziness is a sin, and so I must strive to push myself daily.
  3. While the gym is good, I must continue to play soccer and basketball.
  4. Always read the news with a skeptic eye, for every writer can’t possibly know everything, and so the news may be distorted; there may at times be pieces twisted to a purpose; there may at times be bias; but do not be too skeptical, lest you yourself become mindless.
  5. Pay attention to people; let them know that you have them in your heart; be sure to greet an acquaintance at least once a month.
  6. Habit can be a sin; never drink coffee for more than three days in a row; read the Surahs of the Quran more often; recite those passages of the Quran you still remember; hold Allah close to your heart, for He loves and forgives you.
  7. Can I be vegan? Probably not.
  8. Reading something new is great, but do remember to reread your favorites from time to time.
  9. Never find 100% satisfaction in anything; always keep aiming higher and higher.
  10. Don’t be so rude to people. Always keep an eye out on what you say, lest you offend someone.
  11. Never get angry. Let the anger wash down you like a river.

Yeah. That’s me.

Onur A. Ayaz